It's blood screaming inside you to work its will

girl_love @ 2007-12-05T02:58:00

2007-12-05T08:03:28Z

So my roommate that I've previously discussed is getting friendlier and friendlier every day. Not that she wasn't before, but she's very independent and I find her asking me to go places with her or asking if she can go with me and just generally paying more attention to me in general. I think I might be looking to far into things because I could never see myself as her type, but it scares me all the same. I don't want to be sucked into that again.

I won't lie, I am having fun. Its fun to have someone to share secrets with, and trade knowing glances. Its a special kind of excitement to have someone so happy to see me every day.

At the same time I'm so nervous. I know my personality is so open that I can get drawn into just about anyone. At the same time as I'm having fun, its also scaring me.

I was on the phone today and she walked by and held my hand and it scares me. I know she's not "into" me. Its not that. Its that testing of boundaries. Its just...fun. But I'm so afraid of what it reminds me of and so drawn to it for just the same reasons. The beginning is always fun. Its the endings that are hard.

How do I get myself into these things?

girl_love @ 2007-01-22T21:51:00

2007-01-23T02:52:38Z

I'm going to love you forever and even if I love another, it will never be as pure and as intense as my first love. And that doens't bother me at all.

girl_love @ 2006-10-05T01:06:00

2006-10-05T05:23:24Z

Level 1
() tried a cigarette
() tried a cigar
(x) smoked weed
(x) kissed a member of the same sex
(x) drank alcohol

SO FAR: 3

Level 2
(x) are/been in love
(x) been dumped/rejected
(x) shoplifted
() been fired
() been in a fist fight

SO FAR: 6

Level 3
(x) snuck out of a parent's house
(x) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
() been arrested
() made out with a stranger
() gone out on a blind date..

SO FAR: 8

Level 4
(x) had a crush on an older person
(x) skipped school
() slept with a co-worker
(x) seen someone/something die

SO FAR: 11

Level 5
() had/have a crush on or liked one of your online friends.
() been to Africa
(x) been on a plane
() thrown up from drinking

SO FAR: 12

Level 6
(x) eaten Sushi
(x) been snowboarding/skiing
() met someone BECAUSE of the internet
(x) been in the mosh pit

SO FAR: 15

Level 7
() been in an abusive relationship
(x) taken pain killers
(x) love/loved someone who you cant have
(x) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
(x) made a snow/sand angel

SO FAR: 19

Level 8
(x) had a tea party
(x) flown a kite
(x) built a sand castle
(x) gone puddle jumping
(x) played dress up

SO FAR: 24

Level 9
(x) jumped into a pile of leaves
() gone tabboganing sledging
(x) cheated while playing a game.
(x) been lonely
(x) fallen asleep at work/school

SO FAR: 28

Level 10
(x) used a fake/someone else's ID
(x) watched the sun set
(x) felt an earthquake
(x) killed a snake (not on purpose =(

SO FAR: 32

Level 11
(x) been tickled
(x) been robbed/vandalized.
() robbed someone
(x) been misunderstood
() pet a deer

SO FAR: 35

Level 12
(x) won a contest
() been suspended from school
(x) had detention
() been in a car/motorcycle/4-wheeler accident

SO FAR: 37

Level 13
(x) had/have braces
(x) eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(x) had deja vu
(x) danced in the moonlight

SO FAR: 41

Level 14
(x) hated the way you look
(x) witnessed a crime
(x) pole danced
(x) questioned your heart
(x) been obsessed with post-it notes

SO FAR: 46

Level 15
(x) squished barefoot through the mud
(x) been lost
() been to the opposite side of the world
(x) swam in the ocean
(x) felt like you were dying

SO FAR: 50

Level 16
(x) cried yourself to sleep
(x) played cops and robbers
(x) recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers
() sang karaoke
(x) paid for a meal with only coins

SO FAR: 54

Level 17
(x) done something you told yourself you wouldn't
(x) made prank phone calls
(x) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
() kissed in the rain

SO FAR: 57

Level 18
(x) written a letter to Santa Claus
() been kissed under mistletoe
(x) watched the sun set with someone you care/cared about
(x) blown bubbles
(x) made a bonfire on the beach

SO FAR: 61

Level 19
(x) crashed a party
() have traveled more than 5 days with a car full of people
(x) gone rollerskating/blading
(x) had a wish come true

SO FAR: 64

Level 20
(x) worn pearls
(x) jumped off a bridge
(x) went swimming with dolphins

SO FAR: 67

Level 22
(x) got your tongue stuck to a pole/freezer/ice cube/popsicle
(x) kissed a fish
(x) worn the opposite sexes clothes
(x) Sat on a roof top

SO FAR: 71

Level 23
(x) screamed at the top of your lungs
(x) done a one-handed cartwheel
(x) talked on the phone for more than 3 hours
(x) stayed up all night

SO FAR: 75

Level 24
() picked and ate an apple right off the tree
(x) climbed a tree
(x) had/been in a tree house

SO FAR: 77

Level 25
() believe in ghosts
() have/had more than 30 pairs of shoes throughout your life
(x) gone streaking
() gone/visited someone to/in jail

SO FAR: 78

Level 26
(x) played chicken
(x) been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on
() been told you're hot by a complete stranger
(x) been easily amused

SO FAR: 81

Level 27
() caught a fish then ate it
(x) caught a butterfly
(x) laughed so hard you cried
(x) cried so hard you laughed

SO FAR: 84

Level 28
(x) mooned / flashed someone
(x) had someone moon/flash you
(x) cheated on a test
(x) forgotten someone's name
() French braided someones hair
(x) gone skinny dipping in a pool
() been kicked out of your house

SO FAR: 89

Level 30
(x) Rode a roller coaster
(x) went scuba-diving/snorkeling
(x) had a cavity
() Black-mailed someone
() been black mailed

SO FAR: 92

Level 31
(x) Been used
(x) fell going up the stairs
() licked a cat
(x) bitten someone
(x) licked someone

TOTAL: 96

totally pointless, but w/e I love those

girl_love @ 2006-10-05T00:37:00

2006-10-05T05:02:54Z

One of my far-between updates. I wish I was better at keeping up, but I guess it's in my nature to jump around. College is getting better by the day. I've yet to go to a party, I haven't drank more than a spritz of whisky(from a spray bottle..heh). Who knew? I have a set group of friends. Mostly girls. I've still got this crush =D And it's fun. I'm still in love with my other girl. My girl for life. The girl I think I will marry though we are "just friends" but more than friends and we admitt we miss each other's touch. We miss the nights when in half-sleep it was alright for hands to wander and mouths to touch necks and chests and backs. And sometimes when it was okay to fall asleep face to face and if we slipped together...well it must have been a dream, but you can blame you're lingering on fatigue. I miss her in my heart, way down, but its something so strong that bonds us that I know we are inseprable, despite what sometimes feels like a hundred million miles.

And then I have my silly crush. I'd forgotten how fun it was to play and push and test. To make her laugh, makes my heart warm. When she makes me laugh, it makes her happy. She tries her best. I'm easy to please. She's a contact person. I've made it clear that so am I and I've been let in more and more. Foolishly she's been treated wrong by friends and boyfriends. I cna tell she's slightly guarded. I try and do little things. People like the little things. I went to the store and picked up her favorite candy. I offered to help with her art. I tease her in the nice way. I meet her eyes during movies. She's one of those people, who if she has seen a movie before and you have never seen it, she will look over at you at the good parts to see how you react. I love when people do that.

No matter how many people are in the room she always looks at me. =D

She touches my hands and my legs and gives me hugs. She came up to me in the bookstore when we were in line, wrapped her arms around my shoulders and "humped" me. We laughed, then we saw a man in front of us looking at us weird and laughed harder. She seems to attract creepy guys. She said I'll have to be her girlfriend when we go out. She sits by me and lets her leg touch mine. Sometimes if I'm sitting there she'll use me as a pillow. I like when we are sitting on the bed and i want to show her something on the computer so she puts her chin on my shoulder.

It's just silly and cute and college. And I hope sometime just to try it out. I'd love to hold her hand and meet her parents. Her parents would accept it if we went to see them holding hands. Our friends would be happy.

College is not like high school and I like it =D

girl_love @ 2006-08-29T00:36:00

2006-08-29T04:45:29Z

I know I haven't been here a while, but I felt like writing tonight. College is...diffrent. I've met some people that I find facinating. And I guess I will have to admit to you that I have a crush. =o. Yes. I do.

And well.

It's a girl. =/

Oh....

and she's straight... I tend to screw myself over. But shes a really sweet person and I still have hopes of maybe winning her over, but now I get nervous sometimes. I just try and be sweet and myself. I make death threats I don't mean and give people cookies. I'm the biggest softie.I just don't know what to do.

I want to be pretty, but I don't know how!

I'm getting more in shape and losing weight and I dunno how to be..attractive..to a straight girl..lol

Oh man.

I'm so crazy.

She says she really supports gay rights, so I know she's all right with that. She's the kind of person who walks right next to me and bumps into my arm and stays pressed there and doens't mind it and neither do I.

She has soft hands and I like when she touches my hands.

She has beautiful eyes.

AND SHE IS SO DAMN STRAIGHT.

Why do I do this?

What the hell? Where are the boys? There are no boys around here. grr. Those at least like girls. I just wanna be normal for once!!!!!

At least on a rollercoaster you can see what's up ahead

2006-07-28T20:19:45Z

My life has again shifted gears. I don't really feel like making a post, but I do want to tell you all that things are okay.

I don't know how it happened. There was no apology, no stopping point. One moment I was in the dark cave, lost, alone and frightened. Then she walked by, flipped on the light and said "Well what are you doing in here?"

And we went to dinner.

And a movie.

And I stayed at her house and this, though no one but me would realize it, is where I knew she was sorry and had let a moment get the best of her and we had both suffered for it.

Around two we crawled into her bed and she pulled me next to her and clung on to me, front to front, arms wrapped, legs merging. We fell asleep nose to nose, and then mouth to mouth. It wasn't a kiss, it was a...sharing.. how do I explain? It was a specific occurance, in the last waking moments it was just something that happened on accident and was alright and perfect.

I know it doens't sound like much compared to what I've described to you, but let me explain it this way. My pain had words, I could lay it out and explain it to you.

This love and happiness I couldn't begin to explain. It is more than words and bigger than me and its inside and outside and filling me up.

girl_love @ 2006-07-19T23:20:00

2006-07-20T03:28:41Z

Sometimes I just want to grab you and yell "bad friend!" and shove your nose right in your obvious blunders b/c they are so frequent and so hurtful. If you say you will call someone, then call them. Its as easy as that. I feel pretty much like shit.

girl_love @ 2006-07-18T11:06:00

2006-07-18T15:07:38Z

I love going to my friends page and seeing how EVERYONE has "Imagine You and Me" icons. Lovely!!!

girl_love @ 2006-07-18T10:50:00

2006-07-18T14:57:27Z

We talked about it. That's what we call the incedent. "It". I guess I'm too embarassed to say "that night I kissed you". Oh well =D. So I asked if we should try it, very long conversation. We talked about a lot of things. Including the nature of our relationship, which I'm not sure about but she admitted we're "Diffrent than most best friends" but she said she likes it that way.

Anyway, the kiss thing.

She said it would be interesting and she is sort or curious, but she said she didn't want to for two reasons. First she didn't want me to regret it some day in the future, since it would technically be my first real, both people involved, not on accident, kiss. Then I asked if she didn't want to b/c it would be weird, and she said no. She said she DIDN'T think it would be weird and then that would be even weirder.

So I'm okay with it. I mean there might be times. I still wish I could, but I think I will be okay with out it. I'm just glad we got to talk it all over before we lost the chance.

She's so beautiful.

girl_love @ 2006-07-17T14:37:00

2006-07-17T18:38:07Z

it was fun.

(Click here to post your own answers for this meme.)

✓ I miss somebody right now. (I miss somebody all the time!)	✓ I don't watch much TV these days.	✓ I own lots of books.
× I wear glasses or contact lenses.	✓ I love to play video games.	✓ I've tried marijuana.
× I've watched porn movies.	× I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship. (realtionship? what's that mean?)	× I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
✓ I curse sometimes. (ASS)	✓ I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.	✓ I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me. (dissection blade!)

* * * * *

× I have broken someone's bones. (only my own)	✓ I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.	× I hate the rain.
✓ I'm paranoid at times.	✓ I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.	✓ I need/want money right now. (can anyone say they don't?)
✓ I love sushi. (well some kinds...and maybe not love. Alright i might be a lair.)	✓ I talk really, really fast. (when excited)	× I have fresh breath in the morning.
✓ I have long hair. (not for long!)	× I have lost money in Las Vegas.	✓ I have at least one sibling.
× I was born in a country outside of the U.S.	× I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.	× I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
× I like the way that I look.	✓ I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months. (nothing bug, but i lie a lot)	× I am usually pessimistic.
✓ I have a lot of mood swings.	× I think prostitution should be legalized.	× I slept with a roommate.
✓ I have a hidden talent. (well i dunno if it counts as a talent)	× I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.	✓ I have a lot of friends.
✓ I have pecked someone of the same sex. (when they say pecked, they mean with your mouth right?)	× I enjoy talking on the phone.	× I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
× I love to shop and/or window shop.	× I'm obsessed with my Xanga or Livejournal.	× I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
✓ I have a mobile phone.	× I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.	× I've rejected someone before.
✓ I currently like/love someone.	✓ I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.	× I want to have children in the future.
✓ I have changed a diaper before.	× I've called the cops on a friend before.	✓ I'm not allergic to anything.
✓ I have a lot to learn.	× I am shy around the opposite sex.	× I'm online 24/7, even as an away message.
✓ I have at least 5 away messages saved.	✓ I have tried alcohol or drugs before.	× I have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past.
× I own the "South Park" movie.	✓ I have avoided assignments at work/school to be on Xanga or Livejournal.	× I enjoy some country music.
✓ I would die for my best friends.	✓ I'm obsessive, and often a perfectionist. (obsessive, not so much perfectionist)	× I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
✓ I think Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.	× I have dated a close friend's ex.	✓ I am happy at this moment.
× I'm obsessed with guys.	× Democrat.	× Republican.
✓ I don't even know what I am.	× I am punk rockish. (maybe a little)	✓ I go for older guys/girls, not younger.
✓ I study for tests most of the time.	× I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met.	× I can work on a car.
× I love my job(s).	× I am comfortable with who I am right now.	× I have more than just my ears pierced.
✓ I walk barefoot wherever I can. (in the rain)	× I have jumped off a bridge.	✓ I love sea turtles. (saw with one once!)
× I spend ridiculous amounts of money on makeup.	✓ I plan on achieving a major goal/dream.	× I am proficient on a musical instrument.
✓ I hate office jobs.	× I went to college out of state.	× I am adopted.
✓ I am a pyro.	✓ I have thrown up from crying too much.	✓ I have been intentionally hurt by people that I loved.
× I fall for the worst people.	✓ I adore bright colours. (i adore all colors)	× I usually like covers better than originals.
× I hate chain theme restaurants like Applebees and TGIFridays.	✓ I can pick up things with my toes.	× I can't whistle.
✓ I have ridden/owned a horse.	× I still have every journal I've ever written in.	× I talk in my sleep.
× I've often thought that I was born in the wrong century.	✓ I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions.	✓ I wear a toe ring.
× I have a tattoo.	✓ I can't stand at LEAST one person that I work with.	× I am a caffeine junkie.
× I am completely tree-huggy spiritual, and I'm not ashamed at all.	× If I knew I would get away with it, I would commit at least one murder.	✓ I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical, the better.
× I enjoy a nice glass of wine with dinner.	✓ I'm an artist. (well lets use this term loosely)	✓ I am ambidextrous. (only with a knife and mouse/trackball/touchpad)
× I sleep with so many stuffed animals, I can hardly fit on my bed.	× If it weren't for having to see other people naked, I'd live in a nudist colony.	× I have terrible teeth.
× I hate my toes.	✓ I did this meme even though I wasn't tagged by the person who took it before me.	× I have more friends on the internet than in real life.
✓ I have lived in either three different states or countries.	× I am extremely flexible.	✓ I love hugs more than kisses. (don't know much about kisses =/)
× I want to own my own business.	× I smoke.	× I spend way too much time on the computer than on anything else.
✓ Nobody has ever said I'm normal.	× Sad movies, games, and the like can cause a trickle of tears every now and then.	× I am proficient in the use of many types of firearms and combat weapons.
× I like the way women look in stylized men's suits.	✓ I don't like it when people are unpleased or seem unpleased with me.	✓ I have been described as a dreamer or likely to have my head up in the clouds.
× I have played strip poker with someone else before.	× I have had emotional problems for which I have sought professional help.	× I believe in ghosts and the paranormal.
✓ I can't stand being alone.	✓ I have at least one obsession at any given time.	✓ I weigh myself, pee/poo, and then weigh myself again. (haha only sometimes! pee weights a lot!)
× I consistently spend way too much money on obsessions-of-the-moment.	× I'm a judgmental asshole.	× I'm a HUGE drama-queen.
✓ I have travelled on more than one continent.	× I sometimes wish my father would just disappear.	✓ I need people to tell me I'm good at something in order to feel that I am.
× I am a Libertarian.	✓ I can speak more than one language. (we'll use the word "speak" flexibly)	× I can fall asleep even if the whole room is as noisy as it can be.
✓ I would rather read than watch TV.	× I like reading fact more than fiction.	✓ I have pulled an all-nighter on an assignment I was given a month to do.
✓ I have no piercings.	✓ I have spent the night in a train station or other public place.	× I have been so upset over my physical gender that I cried.
× I once spent Christmas completely alone because there was a miscommunication on which parent was supposed to have me that night.	✓ There have been times when I have wondered "Why was I born?" and may/may not have cried over it.	× I like most animals better than most people.
✓ I own a collection of retro games consoles.	× The thought of physical exercise makes me shiver.	× I have hit someone with a dead fish.
× I am compulsively honest.	× I was born with a congenital birth defect that has never been repaired.	× I have danced topless in front of dozens of complete strangers.
× I have gone from wishing I was a girl to revelling in being a boy to feeling like a girl again in the span of five minutes, and not cared a whit for my actual sex.	× I am unashamedly bisexual, and have different motivations for my desires for different genders.	✓ I sometimes won't sleep a whole night or eat a whole day because I forget to.
× I find it impossible to get to sleep without some kind of music on.	× I dislike milk.	✓ I obsessively wash my hands.
✓ I always carry something significant around with me.	× Sometimes I'd rather wear a wig in day-to-day life than use my own hair.	✓ I've pushed myself to become more self-aware and thereby more aware of others.
× Even though I live on my own I still cry sometimes because I miss my mother.	× I hand wrote all the HTML tags in this document.	✓ I've liked something which a majority of people claimed was either bad or weird.
× I have been clinically dead for a brief period of time.	× Instead of feeling sympathy/empathy with people and their problems, I simply become annoyed.	× I participate/have participated in auto drag races and won.
× I do not 'get' most comedy acts.	✓ I don't think strippers are money-greedy or slutty for dancing. (some are some aren't)	× I don't like to chew gum.
× I am obsessed with history/historical things and can't wait for someone to build a time machine so I can be the first to use it.	✓ I can never remember for the life of me where I parked the car.	× I had the TEEN ANGST thing going for at least 2-3 years.
✓ I wish people would be more empathic and honest with each other.	× I play Dungeons and Dragons weekly.	✓ I love to sing.
× I want to live in my mother's basement when I grow up.	✓ I have a custom-built computer.	✓ I want to create a certain someone's babies, even though there's a 0% possiblity of ever achieving it.
× I would be in a relationship with one of my pets if they were human.	✓ I've gone skinny-dipping.	✓ I've performed in three plays.
✓ I enjoy burritos.	× I'm Irish and loving it.	× I have a thing for redheads.
× I am a twin!	× Most of the times, I'd rather do something intellectual instead of doing something generically 'fun'.	× Once I set out to finish something, I always stay at it until it is completed before I move on to something else.
✓ I wish there were a way to erase past mistakes.	× I sleep more than 12 hours a day.	✓ I wish I could be prouder of what I've accomplished, but it's never enough.
× I need more time to myself.	× I wish I was more open-minded.	× I hope that I go really prematurely grey.
✓ I download songs from the internet.	× I've just reenacted chapter 58 of Death Note with my best friend.	× I say random things to freak people out.
× I'm still a little mad about the ending of Death Note.	✓ I love playing Truth or Dare.	× I love listening to slow music, but I hate singing to it.
× Music helps me remember that I am not alone.	✓ Playing my favorite sport makes me temporarily forget my problems.	× I think this survey is particularly long.
× I prefer my LJ friends to my real-life ones.	× I can only hate someone that I love.	× I've ordered an extra two shots of espresso to an Americano at Starbucks.

girl_love @ 2006-07-09T01:40:00

2006-07-09T05:57:42Z

Alright, so in honor of my newfound love for "Imagine Me and You" I've decided to write a short little thing of something I could see happening after the movie has taken place. Its just b/c I'm craving more and mayhap something a little wilder ;) Rachel has moved into Luce's flat. Just a nice wholesome little thing..hehehe

God, Luce thought, that tounge was meant to love a woman. Her hands clenched at the sheets and her head fell back against the headboard again. Rachel was somewhere half beneth the covers, making good use of her aforementioned oral skills. Luce cried out again and bit her lip.

"Rachel...oh..." Luce thought she felt Rachel smile, but at this point she couldn't be quite certain of anything except that she was lovng this girl more every passing second and becomeing less and less in control of whether she said it aloud or not. "Love you.. love you"

A soft meow came from the side of the bedroom and then the fierce pounding of little cat paws, demanding entrance.

"Damn, its that arse cat again," Rachel came up from her exploits and moved to leave the bed.

"Rachel! Forget the cat, please!" Luce begged, shocked from the sudden absense of her lover's wonderful mouth, just when she was so close... Rachel turned back to her.

"Wha?" She asked innocently, but as Luce caught her eye, she saw that wicked gleam that told her Rachel knew exactly what she was doing to her.

"Oh, Rachel..." Luce pulled her back down and Rachel, smiling, obliged. The next pawing at the door was answered with the resounding smack of a shoe against the door. Her voice wasn't the only thing Luce could throw.

Alright, pretty cheesy, but hey, I'm 18, I need to write soft porn now and then.

In case you hadn't noticed. (Or me trying to figure out what to say)

2006-07-08T04:00:07Z

Well, I guess there's something I should come clean about. I know I told you that it was the summer before I knew I loved you, but well, thats not exactly true. See, I knew there was something strange going on when, on the bus, that first day, I caught your eye after a whole summer. I didn't even know you then really. Not really. And we got off the bus and you rushed up. And you hugged me. You just...hugged me. And inside me I was in love. I didn't know it then, I wouldn't have said that. I couldn't even until it was summer again and well, it couldn't be denied.

Then you know what happened. I couldn't tell you until the end of summer.

And you were involved.

And I know you weren't serious about him, but part of it was me that caused it all to fall apart. And on one hand I'm sorry.

But then I'm not.

Because you see, I wanted my chance to love you. And I wanted to show you and I thought maybe that after we could...

But we didn't.

And so you assumed I was out of love.

Well, you were wrong.

And this is about as hard as the first time, but I know you better now and I'll use my words this time.

I swear.

So, you see, I'm still in love with you. And we'll be leaving each other soon and I never though I woould tell you this, but I realize how much I would regret it if I didn't. I would regret not telling you that you make me so happy and you make life so beautiful. You are beautiful and you make me beautiful in return.

So I'm asking you now, something I said I wouldn't ask, but now I know I have to because I have to know. And well, you have to know to. I think that there would be something unfinished, something missing and something regretful if I didn't ask you now.

Can I...

Will you....

Can we kiss?

girl_love @ 2006-07-05T12:52:00

2006-07-05T16:54:23Z

The more I think about it the more obvious it becomes.

i don't want boys.

I don't want girls.

I want her.

I don't think I'll ever be able to see anyone else as "something" as long as i love her. Nothing else is an option. And right now, I wouldn't have it any other way.

I've stolen one kiss, I want to be given the next.

girl_love @ 2005-11-25T01:04:00

2005-11-25T06:09:05Z

I guess this is a last warning to everyone who will listen. do not fall in love, do not give all of yourself to one person. Do not try so hard. You will cry you will fall you will fail. You will be torn apart and shakily sown back together. It is not worth it. The only life lesson I can be pulling from all of this is that life is not much wroth living. Even though I know i will b/c you can't just stop living, but I won't be buckling my seat belt any more or looking to closely before crossing busy streets.

I'm sorry to anyone who has ever hoped. I feel for you.

I hope your lives can blossom and become beatiful where mine has died. Thanks to anyone who ever read this.

This journal is terminate,and as for me,I don't know what life will do to me, but I've given up on it. It can have it's way with me, but I'm not getting caught up in it any more.

Goodbye, goodnight, and mostly good luck.

girl_love @ 2005-09-08T23:54:00

2005-09-09T04:03:40Z

I just can't help wanting her, sexually. Maybe it's her or maybe its me. I can't think of a time when we've been alone that she hasn't slid her hands into my pants tracing and teasing and "accidently" (but more often than not) sliding past there and knucles just seem to be in the way to press against panties.

we slippedinto the cool fdarkness of her room and I took off her shirt. She kneeded her hand on my back as I cautiously slipped my hand down, farther farther, undo the belt, the pants, just a little farther, top of the panties, tracing tracing, and slipping under and for a moment, long enough, never long enough, i brush new territory and withdraw my hand to safer places. just a small touch, but I didn't realize two people would feel so diffrent, i thought it was all the same.

I'm burning up with the thouhgt of her and I'm wary of my actions. Unless I can draw her into it. Can i? I have beofer and made her forget herself. Forget me even, but I don't care as long as I can have her. I want her.

girl_love @ 2005-08-21T23:29:00

2005-08-22T03:37:05Z

I know I usually pay for it later, but my god, do we have fun.

I spent the whole lazy day with her. Studying and such. My, do I LOVE skirts. Half the time I was quizzing her her hand was up my skirt, tracing lines along my thigh or under my shirt trying to undo my bra with one hand. (she's VERY good)
Fell asleep with my bottom lip touching her top one.
Looking now at the doodles she drew in highlighter all along my pantyline. Heh. ;)
She took my cold hands last night and slid them into her pants and placed them against herself and let me cup her there, fingers slightly curled, while she smiled into my eyes and I warmed up.
I love these weekends, when everything feels perfect and I feel like she loves me the world. I know she does always, but its one thing to know it and another to feel.

Long hugs goodbye and accidnetla kisses

2005-08-18T00:35:52Z

She was over for a while today, about 30 mins maye. Still wonderful, and as we were hugging goodbye I turned to kiss her cheek just as she turned to kiss mine and a quick accidental kiss ensued! It was maybe a moment, but we both blushed and she planted a large sloppy kiss on my cheek to show how silly we were for being so shy sometimes. I love those moments. Torture for later maybe, but heaven for now.

girl_love @ 2005-08-14T00:15:00

2005-08-14T04:53:38Z

Well kids, do you ever get tired of waiting for life to straighten out? Does it ever or is it always just tangled up and nothing can really ever be alright. I mean people are like knives. They are so pretty and fun to play with and sometimes yu like the patterns they make, but they sometimes hurt other people. And you're afraid to show what you've used peple to do to yourself b/x its wrong to use people to make you feel good or pretty. Its wrong to be so addicted to people like addicted to that one sharp edge. I'm not reall making any since.

I'm not advising you I'm telling you: Never ever fall in love with some one who will not love you back. And if for some stupid reason you do. Don't tell them. You will only hurt or scare them and it will give you a stupid since of hope. Don't do it, it's not diffrent with anyone. Don't listen to happy endings. If someone isn't already in love with you they won't ever be. People don't change and love never really dies so save yourself while you can.

girl_love @ 2005-08-03T02:22:00

2005-08-03T06:26:32Z

I just got done reading the next installment of an AMAZING hermione/Ginny fic, called "La Corbe de tes Yeux". Its so dead on to how I wss pre-kiss with my lovely best friend. It really reminded me of one night in the cabin. I was laying w/ my head in her lap And her bent over me. Nose to Nose. I thought we weere oging to kiss then, I felt electricity running crazy wild through us. It was so warm and perfect and her breath on my cheek. Later she told me she had wanted to kiss me then, but only would have, had I been a boy. I guess I neevr really got that. She said sometimes she did want to kiss me, but only b/c she forgot I wasn't a boy. I still wonder about that.

girl_love @ 2005-08-03T01:28:00

2005-08-03T05:34:23Z

GUH!
Damn

Damn

Damn me.

Why am I so...this way?

I want her, I want soft kisses and understanding looks and that way she softly put her hands on my waist and coaxes me into dance.

But I also want boys. Strong boys with muscles and long hair and laughing eyes, who will grasp me and hurt me and swing me around, like she never could. Sometimes I want big clumsy hands, not so sure of mine.

Really I just want to be wanted, like we all do. I'll never know what's wrong with me. I'm not hideous, but boys don't like me that way. I've neevr been someone's girlfriend or crush or even maybe. Never even kissed. Pathetic.

Loser.

Ugly.

Stupid.

Undesirable

Guh... sometimes I'm just so...mad at myself.

girl_love @ 2005-08-02T01:16:00

2005-08-02T05:22:52Z

Ack. I hate this. I've never hated lieing. I've done it a million times. Sometimes it's been a game to me. Something I do for fun, even when its not nessicey. But now that I've been trying to fool myslef...it's just not working. I could lie to just about anyone. But now. I don't know. I told her I just want to be her friend. I tell myself the kisses I want to give her are firendly nothing more.
But god, I want to throw her down and rip off her clothes and kiss up her thigh and press and taste and swirl until she screams. Sometimes I just want o hold her and rip her arapt with my teeth wheile she grinds against me. And I can't even convinve myslef that these are friendly feelings.

I'm still despretly in love and lust with her. I want her to be ine, I want to comfort and to kiss her, to hold her and ravenge her.

What a dleima. Should I tell her? Or just let her think what she will?

girl_love @ 2005-06-13T18:36:00

2005-06-13T22:47:07Z

I'm just trying to find balance. I love her like my friend, but I can't help but hurt when she goes with that boy to the movies. Just them. Or when she goes with him to the zoo. The zoo was ours. It used to be ours. I just wish I didn't hurt sometimes. I take it out on her, I try and let her see the pain I'm feeling, but it just ends up hurting me. She promised to call me back tonight. I know she wont. She wont call before the movie, she wont call after. She'll just hang out with him. I know it already. So why even get upset when I KNOW shes going to forget about me? Its just how she is. She'll forget all about me tonight and I'll get upset and I wont be able to hide it form her. Maybe I will today, but someday she'll realize what I've done. I'm a hypocrite though and somethings I made her promise I can't even promise myself.

But why should I when she can't remeber to call me? I'm in so much pain I should be able to do what makes me feel good if she causes the pain sometimes. I guess I shouldn't justify anything.

I'll just try to stay on the sane side tonight. But I cannot cave and call her! I wont, not this time. I'll just let her forget. And I'll do what I have to to stay sane and moderatly happy.

Sometimes there are moments that even looking back almost give you an orgasm

2005-06-01T03:32:49Z

I was sitting at my computer chair looking up something real quick and my girl walked over to me and smiled.
"Lap dance?" she asked. I told her of course. She slipped onto my lap, her long flowing, twirlly white skirt drapping arouns our legs so her (almost) naked self is pressed against my bare legs (she was wearing a thong and i was wearing a short green skirt. We giggle a little and i bounce my legs up and down giving her a little kid's pony ride, until she starts shifting foward and scooting up my skirt until she is pressed up against me. Yeah, right there. So my giggles turn into a groan, and I pull her down and kiss her cheek and her neck, at the same time I slowly run my hand from her knee up her thigh, pulling up her skirt with me. I spread my legs a little and it scoots her back (still working on her neck/shoulders/chest) I run my fingers under her panties on the side. then i trace along the crease where her leg starts, the edge of her panties. Shes whimpering like I've neevr heard before, like shes collapsed on my and shes grinding into me now. My hand is in this position so that the back o it is brushing against the crotch of her panties every couple of times i touch her. Then, oh god, (this is where my vision turns blurry) i just barley slipped my thumb into her panties (course curls sliding over my finger *dies*) and she bit back a moan and grabbed my hair and clutched it as she dry humped the hell out of me, just as she moved her hand and it brushed across my crotch, my mom knocked on the door.

AH! I could have died. Still no kiss tho.. damn...

girl_love @ 2005-05-30T00:08:00

2005-05-30T04:09:29Z

As we snuggled together last night, just about to fall asleep she whispered to me "I love you, I love being in your arms" . A heart can break a thousand times and still meld together with a few sweet words.

girl_love @ 2005-05-24T00:35:00

2005-05-24T04:44:29Z

I guess I'm just a fool, but how can I help myself with those lips touching mine? I don't even come close any more the temptation would kill me, but she doesn't hesitate to leave her bottom lip touching my top one or vise versa. She kisses the corners of my mouth, and I can taste it. She bites my touge and just yesterday when she did it, both her lips pressed tightly to mine. not a kiss, b/c her teeth were holding onto my tounge, but enough to fill my dreams. She lets me undress her. (My eyes closed of course, I wouldn't peek at her) She seems to be obsessed with the creases where my legs meet (almost there, but just not) and my breasts (she can't stop touching them). Even through my shirt I gasp when her teeth rake across my nipples. What is love? I don't know, i couldn't define it. But this...lust. i understand. I just want her to say she's mine. I want to have her like she has me.